I Leave in Two Days (Who’s Tryna See My Freak-out Face?)1

It’s taken a few days of living in my empty room to make me realize it, but I’m leaving incredibly soon. Like, so soon that I could look up the forecast and be fairly confident that weather.com knows what the eff they’re talking about.²

This is tremendously alarming to me for a number of reasons. Of course there’s the obvious “ah man, I’mma miss my friends so harrrd” and the duh-core “this city is gonna be huge and I’m not gonna understand anything people say to me.”

What I’m dreading the most is closer to the usual “Ah don wanna go back to school, I liked summer so much.” To explain the intensification of my back-to-school angst, I’ll paint you a picture (keep in mind that because I’m not an English major, I will be finger-painting instead of paintbrush-painting).

Guys, do you know what I’ve been doing this summer so far? Because it’s nothing. Aside from working at the El Harris Teeter³ for a couple months, I’ve had none legit responsibilities. I even peaced out of there like two weeks ago for no other reason than to “prepare for my pending journeys abroad” aka go to the store twice for some traveling supplies and paint my room (thanks a lot, Townhaus).

Now don’t get me wrong here, because I had fully intended on having a productive summer. I was going to start running everyday and get in shape. And you don’t even know how much I was planning on reading that one collection of Borges short stories in Spanish. But GUYS, they call it Chapel Hill for a reason: there are a lot of hills here (running). Also, after reading one of the aforementioned short stories and not picking up on much more than a general plot outline, I realized that, ya know what guys? That stuff’s all in SPANISH (reading Spanish short stories).

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that I've had a fairly lazy summer, and starting in two days, I’m anticipating a transition akin to the one that took place at my recent WEREWOLF BAR MITZVAH.⁴ I know everyone else has to go back to school soon but listen: shut up this is my blog about me and beef and it’s about me right now. Shifting from a life where the most strenuous thing my brain faces is keeping track of the plots of all the TV shows I watch on the Internet, to a life where the most difficult thing is getting adjusted to a whole new world⁵ all in SPANISH is something that I wouldn't mind putting off for a little longer.

Having finished complaining about all this really boring stuff, I want to say that my excitement for all of this far outweighs any of these apprehensions. Because (¡CLICHÉ ALERT!) going through all this stuff will be good for me and I wanna learn about stuff outside of Chapel Hill, and learn how to speak SPANISH, blah blah etc.

So if you’ve come this far through this post without getting annoyed with my complaints and footnotes, you’re probably bored and/or one of my parents. So I’ll just finish by letting you know that the next time I put something up here, I’ll almost definitely be in Buenos Aires, really tired of eating cows, and in my host-mother’s place because ¡I FOUND OUT SHE HAS INTERNETS YA’LL! (¡¡¡¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!!)

Also, in case you were wondering, I apparently wrote this blog post in a style reminiscent of the late great J. D. Salinger.

¹Sorry this blog post is about to read like a kvetch. I should also take this opportunity to apologize from using a David Foster Wallace-amount of footnotes, because I’m sure that’s annoying to read on the Internets.

² I refuse to look up the weather until I leave. The reason for this is because, due to certain astrophysiologies, the rotation and angles of the earth, the sun, the moon, and the stars, whether or not Pitchfork has recently bestowed their Best New Music accolade to some deserving/undeserving artist*, the proliferation of heliocentricismization, SCIENCE SCIENCE TYLERMILLS SCIENCE, I know that it is winter in Buenos Aires and this fact only enhances my wanting-to-stay-in-chapel-hill-a-little-bit-longer-ness.

* Oh, so you thought P4k only controls the world of indie music? WRONG THEY CONTROL THE WORLD OF EARTH. In fact, Pitchfork’s recent allocation of a lowly 4.4 to M.I.A.’s most recent album, /\/\/\Y/\ (yeah, I know), caused 4.4 days blizzard in some parts of southern Argentina, and even Chile. IT’S TRUE LOOK IT UP.†

† HAHAHA LOOK AT YOU! I MADE YOU READ THE FOOTNOTE OF A FOOTNOTE OF A FOOTNOTE!

³ Thanks to Emily, I’m already calling it by it’s Spanish name. This way, when I work at the El Harris Teeter in Argentina (as I inevitably will because if you know anything about me, destiny thinks it is my raison d’être or some French shit like that) I won’t look like a complete ass by not knowing it by its proper name.

⁴ TRANSITION FACT: Boys becoming men and men becoming wolves is the most intense transition imaginable.

⁵ …A new fantastic point of view / no one to tell us no or where to go / or say we’re only dreaming (YOU’RE WELCOME)